There are only a few things in this life that I thought I’d always be able to depend on: my parents, American Idol, taxes, and Starbucks. This past weekend I learned differently. On Sunday, a travesty of monumental proportions took place. I mean, it’s one of those things that happens and makes you reevaluate everything […]
Read the rest of this entry »Archive for the 'Humor Blog' Category
Fish Who Wear Bikinis And Boxer Briefs To Work
Everyone who knows me knows that I don’t wear shorts. There are several good reasons for this. One, because my legs are so much lighter than my face and arms, each time I’ve worn shorts I’ve been arrested and questioned for possibly stealing someone else’s legs and literally walking off with them. As you know, […]
Read the rest of this entry »Well Slap Me And Call Me A Cardigan
I can’t be 100% sure, but I think I may be going through the change. Not just any change, but the change of life. Yes, that change. I know what you’re saying, “Michael, you’re just 31. You’re too young to go through the change. You haven’t even gotten your first gray hair yet. You’ve got […]
Read the rest of this entry »Deodorant May Not Be A Necessity, But Starbucks Is
If it hasn’t been said before, let me be the first to say that I’m starting to believe that Starbucks is a cult. Not one of those bad cults where people meet in the middle of the woods and call themselves weird names while chanting, but the kind of cult that you can participate in […]
Read the rest of this entry »A Baby Would Go Good By The Fireplace
Now that I’ve answered my calling as a philosopher, I’ve decided to make some slight changes in my day-to-day life. Since the information regarding my newly recognized gift could leak to the press at any moment, it’s probably in my best interest to keep a low profile. Because of this, I’ve started wearing big floppy […]
Read the rest of this entry »Grandma, Will You Love Me Flab And All
I’ve been feeling very philosophical lately. It’s weird. It’s like all of a sudden I’ve finally realized my calling, and it’s not just to be the most successful blogger/novelist/fried-Cheerios maker ever. Instead, maybe I’m supposed to use my voice and writing capabilities to impart wisdom to the masses—or at least to my blog readers. The […]
Read the rest of this entry »I Fully Admit To Having A Problem…Kind Of
Some say that the first step to solving any problem or addiction is to acknowledge that you have one. Well, if I’m allowed to be completely honest, I think that I may have a teeny weenie problem when it comes to spending. I was going to use the word “shopping,??? but spending seems manlier. And […]
Read the rest of this entry »Only In My Skinny Jean Dreams
Recently I’ve learned that there are certain games that you just shouldn’t ask people to play. One of those games is the guessing game. Guess my age. Guess my weight. Guess my credit score. Basically, you shouldn’t ask anyone to guess anything of a personal nature that may not work in your favor if the […]
Read the rest of this entry »Three Fish, A Hairline, And A Dumpster Walk Into A Bar…
As some of you may already know, I recently changed jobs. Wait a minute. I know what you’re saying, “Michael, you switched jobs again! You barely learned your supervisor’s name at the last job, and you were still getting lost every time you went to the bathroom! They filed 12 missing person reports on you […]
Read the rest of this entry »The Real Me (We R Who We R)
After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must have multiple personalities. Although my team of therapists have not yet confirmed or denied whether they agree with my theory or not, that would be the only logical explanation as to why one minute I aspire to take over the world, and the next […]
Read the rest of this entry »
