If it hasn’t been said before, let me be the first to say that I’m starting to believe that Starbucks is a cult. Not one of those bad cults where people meet in the middle of the woods and call themselves weird names while chanting, but the kind of cult that you can participate in during daylight hours where no one judges you or thinks you’re likely to drink arsenic Kool-Aid at your leader’s request. Starbucks doesn’t even sell Kool-Aid. Well, now that I think about it, Starbucks has recently started selling smoothies, but I don’t think they’re Kool-Aid based, so we’re probably safe even if they are a cult. I’ve never heard of anyone being poisoned by a fruit smoothie. But just in case, I’m going to stick with the coffee because you just never know. I mean, why risk it? Better safe than sorry.

Cult or not, it is possible that Starbucks will eventually be the death of me. Although I’ve cut back to one drink a week—ok five—I often base my entire schedule around Starbucks being open or not. Even worse, I usually spend my whole day thinking about whether my boss will miss me if, on my way to the restroom, I accidentally go and get a Frappuccino instead. Of course, I’d probably never resort to such desperate measures, but when I worked a part time job for a few weeks last summer, I always stopped at Starbucks on the way in, regardless of whether my stopping would make me late or not. I just figured that my supervisor would understand and would probably be more upset that I didn’t bring him something than be mad that I was 40 minutes late for work over a mocha latte. I mean, hasn’t it been proven that coffee increases productivity? Well, that’s my story, and that’s what I’m sticking to.

I’ve spoken on this before, but due to my love of coffee in general, some have called me an addict. Because of this, and to prove everyone wrong—because they are—I’ve decided to do a little more research on some of the signs of having an addiction. Some experts say that addicts can have extreme mood changes and have random displays of happiness, sadness, anxiety, and/or become easily excited. Hmmm. Well, I do get happy about having Starbucks, sad when I can’t have it, anxious about getting it, and excited about the opportunity to indulge myself. Based on that, it would appear that I’m strung out. However, I cry a lot when it’s time to go to work, get happy and excited when it’s time to leave work, and get anxious for my shift to be over. Yet, I highly doubt that anyone would ever call me a work addict. Well, there goes that theory.

Whether I’m addicted or not, I’m not alone in the coffee struggle. Matter of fact, the Starbucks in my local Barnes and Nobles stays so busy that I typically have to fight for a seat. Just last week a guy asked to sit at my table and threatened me because I told him the seat was taken. Eventually my dad showed up and the guy saw that I wasn’t lying, but for a moment, I thought that he and I were going to reenact the fight scene from Michael Jackson’s “Beat It??? video. Instead of using a switchblade like the dancers did, I would have had to threaten him with a brownie instead. It may have worked. I admit that my Michael Jackson moves are a little bit rusty, but that old man and I probably could have pulled the routine off splendidly. MJ would have been proud.

Moving on, I don’t know about anybody else, but the weather predictions have been driving me nuts lately. I’ve cancelled my plans for the past two Sundays because the weatherman had called for scattered thunderstorms throughout the day. Despite the predictions, neither day produced so much as a minor sprinkle. I mean, where is all this alleged rain taking place? Egypt? Ironically, although the weatherman can be completely wrong repeatedly, they probably still get a good yearly performance review and merit increase. I wish I was so lucky. Actually, I think there should be some form of law that would allow me to sue the weather channel to get my weekends back when there is an error in weather predictions. Matter of fact, this will be the first thing I talk to Barack about when he stops by for our weekly game of spades tomorrow night.

Speaking of things that I’m annoyed about, the U.S. Open is taking place in this area and it is absolutely running my life due to the traffic. They’ve decided that the field across the street from my apartment complex would be a good place for people to park and then be shuttled to the event, which is being held 20 minutes away. Because of this, instead of my being able to leave for work at the last minute, at 8:23, I now have to leave at 8:15 instead, which means I’ve had to stop brushing my teeth and shaving if I want to make it to work on time. Some mornings I don’t even have time to put on deodorant. Thank goodness my co-workers have been very understanding thus far. I’m just praying that the air condition continues to function normally. One minor malfunction and there could be serious problems.

Honestly, when I first started seeing the advertisements about the U.S. Open, I got so excited because I thought that Venus and Serena Williams were going to be in the area. I had even planned to offer them my couch so they wouldn’t have to pay for hotel accommodations, which can be pretty expensive when major events come to town. Also, I wanted to give them some tips regarding their serve that I learned from that one time I played a tennis game on my Wii. They probably would have thought so highly of my help that they would have asked me to be their manager. Unfortunately, this U.S. Open was for some form of sport called golf or something. I mean, I don’t know a lot about it, but from what I hear, they let a tiger in the woods swing clubs at balls. This year the tiger wasn’t able to make it. Maybe it was hibernating. Hopefully they were able to still get some lions, bears and giraffes to participate in the tiger’s place. Either way, I’ll be glad when it’s all over so I can once again know what it feel like to have fresh breath and dry underarms.

Michael Rochelle
Access my full blog: http://www.justmichael.net/blog
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