Hypothetically Speaking . . .

. . . . . . . . Because Humor Matters

Archive for the 'Humor Blog' Category

In Need of CPR and Bail Money

So, we are finally starting to experience some of the warmer weather that comes along with spring. Although I didn’t do as many push-ups as I had intended during the winter months, as soon as the temperature reached 70 degrees, I was the first person to rip off my shirt and my Spanx. Perhaps I […]

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In Defense of Bacon and Eggs

People often ask why I don’t post more frequently. Well, if I can be honest, most of the time it’s because I’m folded up into a ball, clutching myself, hiding underneath my bed, trying not to pass out from the smell of old sneakers and snow boots that have been under there since at least […]

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Lies, Deceit, and Treadmills

I’m not sure what you’ve heard about me on TMZ lately, but I would like to officially declare that I do not think everything is all about me. Contrary to what was reported on Entertainment Tonight, I do not take every situation and make it about myself. It is very unfortunate that my simple question […]

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When Mama Comes To Town

There are some moments in life when you suddenly realize you’re in absolute crisis mode. It just happens. That moment when you’re bumbling along the road of life in a Pinto and you blow a tire and your car slides into a ditch and then rolls off a cliff and lands on a deer. Maybe […]

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Shattered Resolutions and Broken Dreams

This time last year, some madman was running around my apartment doing push-ups and jumping jacks, insistent that he was going to get his life right and tackle the world in 2017. Yes, that madman was me. But now that I’m barely clawing my way across the 2017 finish line with my life support machine […]

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A Very Michael Holiday Movie

I have a slight confession. I have been watching nothing but holiday movies for the past few weeks. I think the Hallmark channel has me under some sort of spell or something. It is either that or Comcast has downgraded my cable package to where I only have one channel, which I would completely understand […]

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He Dances with the Fishes

OK, the news and TMZ reports are true. I have recently been dealing with some family issues. Perhaps I use the term “family” a tad bit too loosely. By family I mean my fish. Maybe fishly is the more appropriate term. I realize that is not exactly a word. However, if we agree to start […]

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Are Those Dad Jeans You’re Wearing?

The other day a coworker of mine pointed to my dungarees and yelled, “You’re wearing dad jeans!” Ashamed, I quickly scampered across the room and hid behind the photocopier. If people thought they were going to insult me, they would have to find me first. Also, they couldn’t judge what they couldn’t see. That noted, […]

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Birthdays, BMI and Blood Pressure

A wise man once said that age, weight, and blood pressure are just like rent and taxes: at a certain point, they just go up. Maybe it was me who said that. Maybe I’m the wise man. Hmmm. Anyway, I was minding my own business the other day when my birthday came to “kick in […]

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Fifty Shades Of Michael

If you’re anything like me, you’re in total disbelief that it is fall already. Where did the summer go? Where did the warm weather go? More importantly, where did the rest of my wine go? But I digress. Time seems to be flying faster than it used to. We wake up, go to work, come […]

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