As some of you may have noticed, I haven’t done a blog posting in a few weeks—ok, a month. During this period, I know that most of you probably cried and rolled across your living room floors wondering how on earth you’d survive without your Michael fix. Wait. Before you lash out at me, let me explain. I had several valid reasons for my blog posts being missing in action. Just hear me out. First, I’ve been in hiding, and for a very good reason. Although I have no problem buying six lattes or twenty-five shirts in one afternoon, I absolutely refuse to spend $18 on a haircut. There’s no way. I just won’t do it. I have morals. To sit in a barbershop for hours while waiting for some drunken guy to come at my head with a razor is just not my idea of a good time.

That noted, two weeks ago, I was just a tad bit overzealous while trying to cut my own hair. Although I thought it looked great while I was trimming away at my hairline, when I was done I realized that the right side of my head looked like I’d been robbed. There was about 40 acres of wide-open space where my hairline should have been, giving my round head a more asymmetrical look, kind of like Gumby. Of course, I panicked. I tried to glue some of my hair back on, but it just wouldn’t work. I prayed about it, but I just kept being forwarded to voicemail. I even called the hair restoration people, but the folks at Hair Club for Men said that they don’t specialize in miracles and there is only so much even they can do.

Thinking that I’d found a quick fix, I went into work the next morning with my head held high. Unfortunately, the management team wasn’t too happy to see my new wig or the wind machine I had installed at my desk to make it appear my hair was always blowing in the wind. In all fairness, the fan was kind of making a lot of noise. And it did take up a lot of space when we had that meeting about cost cutting in one of the conference rooms later that afternoon. You should have seen the fiasco it caused. Papers were flying everywhere. Now that I think about it, it was probably the moment that one of my note cards flew out of my hand and landed on the CEO’s forehead during his speech that really sent everyone over the edge.

Since the wig and wind machine were perhaps a bit over the top, I came up with the brilliant idea to just wear a big pair of sunglasses on top of my head as a distraction. Ironically, although no one questioned my wearing the wig, everyone wanted to know why I needed sunglasses since it was raining outside. When I admitted that I’d had an unfortunate incident with a pair of renegade clippers, everyone immediately began trying to figure out what was wrong. “Oh, I see it. One eyebrow is way up and the other one is way down,??? said one coworker as he laughed and pointed. “But I didn’t do anything to my eyebrows,??? I said as I quickly ran to the restroom to see what I could do to cover them up too. If I’d still had the wig, I probably would have given myself some nice bangs to do the trick.

Honestly, I admit that contacting the FBI to see if they could put me in some form of hairless protection program may have been a bit extreme. I mean, there are more important things going on in the world, like Chaz Bono’s debut on Dancing With The Stars, or maybe even the upcoming presidential election. So, when that same coworker playfully snatched my sunglasses off my head and ran away with them, I fought the instinct to dart under my desk. Instead, I put a Target bag on my head and went on with my day. Unfortunately, all the red circles and dots drew a lot of extra attention, making me an easy target—get it, Target? I crack myself up. I really should be paid for this sort of thing.

Anyway, it was around about the time that the bag made my head started sweating profusely that I decided to embrace the mistake and just go with it. I didn’t need a bag over my head or a wig to hide beneath. I’m a human being and I made a mistake. It happens to the best of us, right? The hair would eventually grow back—I hoped. And even though I knew my hair had more bald spots and patches than a quilt, again I held my head high right up until my supervisor looked me over, frowned, and said, “I don’t see anything wrong with it. Your hair always looks like that.??? Umm, maybe I should reevaluate this whole avoiding the barber thing after all.

In addition to my hiding out, another reason I neglected to post anything was because I typically post on Mondays and one of those Mondays was a holiday. I’m sure that no one really wanted to sit at home on Labor Day and read my blog on their own time when it’s so much more fun to read it at work when you’re on company time. On your own personal time, my blog is just another blog. But on company time, my blog becomes an experience as it practically leaps right off the page and does a little dance on your desk, giving you a break from pretending to analyze spreadsheets or review reports. See, I didn’t do it for me. I took time off for you.

The final reason my postings have been late is because school started for me the last week of August. I’ve been alternating between studying and crying ever since. Yes, my summer—and my life, for that matter—is officially over. Gone are the days of me simply going home and going to sleep right after work and not waking up until the following morning like the grandpa I am. Gone are the hours of me throwing things at the TV during episodes of “The Bachelorette??? or “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.??? Instead, now I have to pretend to be a responsible adult because I have numerous chapters to read, multiple questions to answer, and many quizzes to take. I miss the days when the first few weeks of school were laid back. Nowadays, you’re lucky if your teacher doesn’t give a final exam on the first day. Now that we’ve addressed my absence and I’ve provided you with the logic behind it, will you forgive me? In order to make it up to you, I’m offering free haircuts to my readers for the next two weeks. I know that I messed up my own hair, but if you allow me to practice on you, I’m sure I’ll get better. Now, who wants to go first?

Michael Rochelle
Access my full blog: http://www.justmichael.net/blog
Access my website: http://www.mikeyllo.com
Add me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/michael.rochelle1

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