Before I get into all the usual shenanigans that you’ve come to love and expect from me, I have an announcement: Four score and seven years ago (which after doing a ton of statistical research, I found out was really just the equivalent of three years—apparently Lincoln had a flare for the dramatic), on May 16th, 2012, my blog turned three years old. That’s right. My blog is a toddler! I couldn’t be any more proud. I’m guessing that the only other person in the world who would really understand how I feel right now would be that Mark Zuckerberg guy who created Facebook. Of course, Facebook is nowhere near as popular as my blog is, but give it a couple more years. You’ll see.
Yes, folks, it’s been three years. Time is really flying. When I first began this blog, I was just a bumbling young man with eyes so full of hope and innocent wonder. I was still in my twenties and working on an undergraduate degree. Well, fast-forward a few years and I’m now middle aged and working on an MBA from a partially accredited university that holds night classes out of the break room of a local KFC. Just look how far I’ve come.
It still surprises me when some random person that I’ve casually mentioned my blog to three hundred times says that they’ve actually read an article of two. Of course, I always respond with, “Really? You read my blog? That thing sure does get around.” I’m just glad that what happens on the internet, stays on the internet.
Seriously, though, I still get excited when I learn of a new reader, and I love the follow up questions that inevitably come when someone stumbles across the blog:
New Reader: Are the stories you write true?
Me: Yes, all of them are 100% true unless I’ve completely made them up.
New Reader: What makes you write that stuff?
Me: Well, New Reader, I’m glad you asked that question. It’s just my calling. Like, when you know, you just know, and I know. You know?
New Reader: No.
Me: Well, I understood it. And my momma says that’s all that matters. Would you like to take a picture?
New Reader: Oh my gosh! I’d be so honored to take a picture with you, Michael.
Me: Yes, it is a pleasure to meet me, isn’t it? Oh yeah, that will be $29.95 for the picture. Add an additional $20 if you want me to sign it. I take Visa. No checks.
Anyway, even though I may only get one or two comments here and there, trust me, more people are reading and taking notice than I ever would have expected. Although I love feedback, I completely understand why you, the reader, would want to disassociate yourself from the blog. I mean, if I have to sneak into the closet and double bolt the door just to write it, who knows what lengths you’re going through to maintain anonymity. It’s ok. Just know that when you read, you are not alone. I put my blog in the same category as Kim Kardashian, weed, and that “Glee” show: Everybody’s doing it, but nobody’s telling.
Matter of fact, one day I was standing at the urinal in the restroom, minding my own business, when this lady taps me on my shoulder and says, “We know what you did.” After I finished (yeah, I know it’s TMI, but I didn’t want you to think that I was the type of person who would just start a conversation mid-stream), I said, “I know why you’re here, lady. You must want my autograph.” I was then served with some legal papers alleging that I’d pilfered a picture of a chicken wing from her company’s website and used it for one of my blog posts.
Instead of my being concerned about potentially being hauled off to jail—AGAIN, I did a somersault right there in the men’s room. I couldn’t believe that a company actually cared that I’d allegedly stolen a picture of a chicken wing from their site. Granted, the picture was probably encrypted with something that allowed it to “phone home,” but I’d like to think that one of the executives was getting his or her daily Michael fix when he or she just happened to stumble upon it. And though I cannot confirm nor deny the theft allegation, I will acknowledge that the picture now links to the company’s site. I always knew my downfall would be chicken-wing related.
Now, as we embark on season three of Hypothetically Speaking, I just want to thank you again for taking the time from your busy day to check in every once in a while. You could be doing anything in the world, like watching TV or beating your children, but you’ve decided to spend quality time with me and I truly appreciate that. I feel like breaking out into my own rendition of “I Will Always Love You,” but Jordin Sparks and Jennifer Hudson just recently did that, and I don’t want to outshine either of them. Just hug yourself and pretend it’s from me. See, now isn’t that nice? Oh, you want another? OK, but I do charge $39.95 for each subsequent hug.
Before I bring this entry to a close, I have one more surprise. Although I would like to say that it’s due to the three-year anniversary of my blog, it’s completely coincidental that I’ve been asked to do my very first guest blog post ever for the All Fooked Up blog which can be found at http://allfookedup.com/go-ahead-amuse-me-michael/ . Oh, and by my use of “asked to do my very first guest blog post,” I mean that I campaigned, begged, and offered my left arm for the opportunity. If all goes as planned, extra content from me that you won’t find here will be posted at some point on Thursday, May 24th, as part of the site’s “Go Ahead, Amuse Me” series. After you’re all done here, head over there and check out Lynn’s blog. She just posted an entry where she ponders other places fish could use the restroom instead of crapping where they live. How could you not be intrigued? Personally, I’d like my fish to crap somewhere else too. If only I could put them on a leash. Hmmm.
Access my full blog: http://www.justmichael.net/blog
Access my website: http://www.mikeyllo.com
Add me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/michael.rochelle1