Hypothetically Speaking . . .

. . . . . . . . Because Humor Matters

Goodbye 2011, Hello Chicken Wings

Written By: Michael Rochelle - Jan• 02•12

So, it’s 2012. A new beginning. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was sharing my resolutions for 2011 with you. Apparently, the older you get, the faster time flies. At my age, if you blink twice, you’re likely to miss the whole month of March. But I digress. A quick review of my 2011 resolutions makes me feel kind of like a failure. The fried chicken wings I had for breakfast this morning certainly prove that I’m not eating healthier. Making matters worse, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been to the gym over the past 12 months—and most of those visits were only due to my need to use the restroom. Despite that, there is at least one good thing that I did accomplish during 2011: I was nominated “Sexiest Man Alive.” Although I didn’t top People Magazine’s list, my four fish unanimously voted me “The Sexiest Man Alive That Lives In My Apartment.” I couldn’t have been more proud.

Now that I think about it, it’s probably a good time for me to decide who and what I want to be in 2012. Obviously, the roles of Ryan Gosling, Adele, and Bradley Cooper are taken, but what’s left for me? What do I want my legacy to be this year? When people see me out and about, what descriptions should come to their mind? writer? student? Kohl’s shopper? Of course, I’m a major celebrity that receives worldwide recognition comparable to that of Justin Bieber. No one would ever argue that fact. But at the end of the day—or in other words, at night—who is this grand enigma that is Michael Rochelle? What plans does he have for 2012? And can he convince the cashier at Popeye’s to do home deliveries? I could really use a biscuit right about now.

First, I definitely HAVE to write more and search for new opportunities to do so. My articles haven’t appeared in a magazine or newspaper in quite some time, and I really miss the excitement of seeing my work in a print form outside of my blog. I may have mentioned this before, but I want to be a writer who happens to work in accounting to keep the lights on and the fish fed as opposed to being a worker in accounting that happens to write. Like myself, I’m sure there are many others spending more hours to ensure that the bills are paid than they are pursuing their true passion. Who knows? Maybe Beyoncé is putting out music solely because it was the only job she could get, but secretly she just wants to be a stocker at Walmart. Should we deny her the one thing that would truly make her happy? Of course not!

Second, I’d like to read more. When I was doing my undergrad, it was easy to rattle off the last book I’d read because reading was a part of the curriculum. Now that I’m in grad school and focused on business, besides textbooks and newspapers, I couldn’t begin to tell you the last book I’ve read from cover to cover. Of course, I sneak into Barnes and Noble every now and then to read a chapter or two of Ellen DeGeneres’ “Seriously I’m Kidding,” or Tina Fey’s “Bossypants” so I can pull chapters from them to post on my weekly blog as if I’d written them myself, but that’s not reading for pleasure. That’s just me searching for new content. And if there is anyone who knows the importance of putting out new and original material, it’s me, Ellen DeGeneres.

In addition to reading more books, I need to read more blogs. I know this will probably be just as much of a shock to you as it was to me, but, allegedly, there are a whole slew of other blogs out there besides mine. Who knew? Hopefully, I’ll be able to use my findings to help me become a better writer and make your experience as a reader even greater. I know it’s hard to imagine enjoying my blog any more than you already do now, but apparently it’s possible for me to refine my craft as a slightly best-selling author and blogger. Believe it or not, some bloggers post every single day. Could you imagine having a dose of Michael with your coffee and bagel every morning? Well, kind reader, if you dream it, I, Tina Fey, can achieve it.

Another goal of mine this year is to trust my instincts a little more. For example, the other day I was at Starbucks, looking over the menu for something that would excite me when my eyes landed on a Caramel Apple Cider. Immediately, I frowned at the thought of an apple cider and coffee mixture, but I decided to take a chance and try something new. I mean, without taking risks, I would have never discovered the magical wonder of the McDonald’s French fry last week. As it turns out the drink doesn’t have coffee in it, but the barista (look at me using big, new words) encouraged me to try it mixed with the Cinnamon Dolce latte. I took his advice. He’s the barista after all. If I can trust him with my financial planning and future dog grooming needs, the least I can do is let him recommend a drink.

As soon as the warm liquid hit my tongue, I pondered suing Starbucks for assault with a deadly drink. I’d never been so wrong about a choice since that one time I lost my Toyota to Taylor Swift and Lil’ Wayne over a game of Spades—they both cheated if you ask me. I expected as much from Taylor, but Lil’ Wayne being anything less than a gentleman completely shocked me. I’m thinking about calling his mother. Anyway, my less-than-great Starbucks experience taught me that when I take risks, the outcome may not go exactly as I expected, but I’ll still gain helpful experience that will be awesome for me to pass on to my great grandchildren one day—or to my future Pomeranian, whichever comes first.

Lastly, before the year ends, I’d like to get rid of some of the random stuff I’m holding onto but will never use. Honestly, I’m probably just one napkin away from being placed on the national hoarder registry. I have books, gadgets, shoes, and clothes that I haven’t worn or used in years; why am I still holding on to all that stuff? There has to be better use for all that space—I could get new stuff!!! But really, how many microwaves and irons does one person need? I could probably make due with having just three of each and get rid of the rest of them, right? With that in mind, does anyone need a “How to Read Harry Potter in Arabic Braille” book? I’ve got twelve of them!!!

Michael Rochelle
Access my full blog: http://www.justmichael.net/blog
Access my website: http://www.mikeyllo.com
Add me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/michael.rochelle1

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One Comment

  1. So did you keep any of your resolutions? Or did you do what most of us do — save them for next year? 🙂

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