Have you ever had something happen where you just had to take a step back and go hmmm? Every now and then, I wish I could be Piper on Charmed and freeze time so I could have a moment to think and then unfreeze it when I’m ready to handle whatever challenge I’m being presented with at the time. Picture this, your supervisor, husband, wife, mother, life partner, or dog is yelling at you for somehow disappointing them once again with your sorry life choices. Imagine that you could freeze them mid-sentence while you went and had a drink (or did some crack, hey, I don’t discriminate) to loosen you up before you received the rest of the lecture. Hey, maybe this super power is available on EBay. I’ll check and get back to you.
Anyway, so the thing that is bothering me today is how people always mistake me for an employee everywhere except places where I’d be proud to work. For instance, I could be in a Wal-Mart or somewhere with my iPod, a pair of shorts, and flip-flops on (which I never wear because I truly believe in the 11th commandment that guys should not show their feet–EVER) and someone will say, “Excuse me, do you work here?” Then, for some reason, I always find myself apologizing and feeling like the biggest let down on earth when I have to say, “No, I don’t work here at Chuck E. Cheese. I’m sorry. I just love that little mouse, and the pizza here is to die for.” Sometimes they even ask me if I’m sure that I don’t work at whatever store we’re in, which confuses me, and then I wind up directing them to the aisle where they can find hemorrhoid ointment.
The funny thing is this never happens when I’m at the doctor’s office, or at a law firm. No one ever says, “Hey, Doc, do you have a moment?” or asks me for legal advice. Instead, people only seem to get confused when I’m at Burger King. “Hey, guy, I said no onions on my Whopper,” they say. I then try to explain that I’m just there for a whopper too, but before you know it, I have on a hair net and gloves and I’m making Whoppers for the rest of the evening shift. I really don’t get it.
Ok, maybe I exaggerated just a tad, but there is truth at the heart of it. Just this month I’ve been asked if I worked at Wal-Mart, Best Buy, and my favorite, Family Dollar. Now don’t mistake where I’m coming from, there is nothing wrong with working at these fine-merchandising establishments, but can I also be mistaken for something or someone a little loftier–like Beyonce, for example. That wouldn’t offend me in the least. I’d even sign an autograph and take a camera phone picture if I was asked to. Of course, I’d never want to disappoint a fan. I’d consider it doing my part to make the world a better place. And at the end of the day, isn’t that really what life is all about?
Thanks for teaching me the 11th commandment. I’d like to add a 12th that says no girl should show her feet without painted toes unless she has under a size 7 shoe or is an adolescent. I think people probably approach you because you are very nice and sweet (like me!) and they pick up on that helpful vibe, which sadly, most retail employers don’t possess (but should). 😉 I love your blog – what fun vignettes! <3 (this is a heart)
Still dreaming of Welter,
Stephanie
Ok, now this makes complete sense.