So, I?m sitting in a Starbucks, behind a young female who is wearing a ?Big Peckers??? t-shirt with the photo of a rooster with a huge beak and he?s winking at me. Ironically, this is the most interest I?ve been shown all year. At my own table, I?ve decided to try something new by ordering a caf? latte?it tastes like ash. I tried to salvage the drink by adding 10 or more packets of sugar, and in typical Michael fashion, in an attempt to be neat, I ended up with more sugar on the table than in my drink. I?m a mess, aren?t I? Oh, I failed to mention that my keyboard is now sticky. At any moment, one of the letters is going to get stuck and this whole blog will consist of all F?s. With my luck, that will be mistaken as my trying to communicate with terrorists and the government will swoop down from the ceiling and that will be the end of me and my blog. Wait a second. I know what you?re thinking. Why would the government be hiding in the ceiling of a Starbucks? Well, Starbucks is like on every corner. How else do you think the government knows everything? You don?t really think people are drinking that much coffee, do you? (Dear Government, I?m just joking. I?m too young and well moisturized to go to jail.) <\/p>\n
Anyway, recently I?ve been all caught up in the idea of my impending graduation. This all started when I began receiving boatloads of notices about the ceremony from my school. At first, these notices were fun because they made things official and I could finally tell the world, ?I?m not lying. I really am going to graduate. And my school thinks so too.??? Then I realized that all of the notices came with a formal threat and a price tag. ?If you plan on graduating in the fall, submit an application along with a $30 fee,??? ?If you want your cap and gown, submit an application with a $40 fee,??? and ?If you want future emails telling you when and where the ceremony will take place, submit an application along with a $200 fee.??? Whereas I used to get all warm and fuzzy inside when the notices arrived, now I just get all warm and sweat a lot before I raise my hands over my head as my school goes through my wallet. One day I fear the notice is going to say, ?We have your mother. If you want her returned to you in time to attend your little graduation, submit an application with a $1,000 fee.??? Yes, it really is like blackmail. Maybe I should call David Letterman to see what he would do. <\/p>\n
Speaking of my mother, because she allegedly went through 43 months of labor to have me, I sometimes feel obligated to return the favor by answering the phone when she calls and by taking her around to interview the low-quality-care nursing homes I?ll be placing her in 20 years down the road. Hey, I?m doing my part. Some children don?t even give their parents any say. Don?t judge me! But I digress. So, I was picking up some DVDs that she?d ordered online from Wal-Mart when the alarm went off as I exited the store. I panicked as the store greeter approached me. I looked over my shoulder and saw my car off in the distance. For a brief moment, I thought about making a run for it. I?ve seen Cops. I was not ready for my close-up, and I was in no mood for a cavity search that day.<\/p>\n
My underarms began to sweat as the elderly gentleman looked at me suspiciously and asked to see my bag. I handed it to him along with the receipt. He asked if I had electronics. I tried to speak, but my voice failed me. I just shook my head. He then asked for the names of the DVDs I?d purchased. Of course, I couldn?t remember. I mean, why should I have known the names of the DVDs just because I had paid for them and they were in my bag? The nerve! It wasn?t like I was on Jeopardy where I would get a prize for knowing the answer to those types of questions. I hadn?t studied. It wasn?t an exam. He looked at me skeptically and I explained that I was just picking them up for my mother but that everything in the bag was on the receipt. Just as I was about to demand my one phone call and to tell the greeter that I would take no further questions without my lawyer present, he let me go. Of course, the alarm went off again as I walked out the door. This time, I ran.<\/p>\n
Speaking of running, I may need to incorporate more exercise into my daily routine?and not just when I?m running from the law. Recently I?ve been making more alterations to my clothes than a seamstress. In fact, one day at work I had to make a mad dash to the restroom with a pair of scissors so I could cut slits into my boxers because they were cutting off the circulation in my legs. Of course, I hated to ruin a nice pair of boxers, but it was either that, or have my legs amputated, and after some thought, I figured it?d be easier to buy new boxers than to buy new legs. I wouldn?t even know where to get new legs. On-line? Target? Family Dollar? I?ll just say this, they aren?t lying when they say that you?re metabolism starts to slow down as you get older. Here I am, enjoying the last weekend of my twenties and wondering if diet water and low-fat lettuce will be enough to sustain me for the rest of my life.<\/p>\n
And, while we?re on the subject of age, I?ve learned that though we may get older in years, some of us never get older at heart. On the same day that I?d almost made my television debut on Cops, while pulled over on the side of the road, I saw a small turtle about to cross a six-lane highway. Immediately I went into hero mode and ran to save the turtle from what could have been its last stroll. Without thinking, I picked up the turtle by its shell, and somehow, instead of putting the turtle closer to the woods, I kinda sorta accidentally put it in the front seat of my car. For some reason I wanted to show my mother the turtle. Grinning, I called her to tell her about my new pet. Of course, my mommy said I couldn?t keep it because they carry germs and STDs. I told her that the turtle looked clean and that I was sure he?d used little turtle condoms, but she still said no. Thus, with all my hopes and dreams shattered, I put the turtle back in the woods, which I think was probably best for all of us. I already have plants and a fish that I sometimes neglect to feed, water and take out for walks. Because of this, I?m sure I?m just one phone call away from being reported to fish protective services. This is why I never let my fish use the phone, no matter how much he asks to.<\/p>\n
Anyway, the moral of this story is to enjoy the grandness and the many wonders of life. I mean, one moment you?re about to go to jail for shoplifting at Wal-Mart, and the next you?re putting a wayward turtle back on the right track. Take a step back, smell the roses, and enjoy the sunny days while trying to find things to love about the rainy ones. Learn to find the humor in the small things because all of those small things put together equal all of the moments of your life. And ok, I?ll just say it. The other underlying moral of this story is, don?t do crack. However, I?m sure that was blatantly obvious.<\/p>\n
Michael Rochelle<\/p>\n
Access my full blog: http:\/\/www.justmichael.net\/blog
\nAccess my website: http:\/\/www.justmichael.net<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So, I?m sitting in a Starbucks, behind a young female who is wearing a ?Big Peckers??? t-shirt with the photo of a rooster with a huge beak and he?s winking at me. Ironically, this is the most interest I?ve been shown all year. At my own table, I?ve decided to try something new by ordering […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[47],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n