Hypothetically Speaking . . .

. . . . . . . . Because Humor Matters

Archive for the 'Humor Column' Category

Piano for Dummies…or for Michaels

When I was just a little boy, you know, back in 1858, I had big dreams of what I would become when I grew up. I don’t remember ever wanting to be a teacher, or a doctor, or a bus driver. Instead, I wanted to be famous. I didn’t know how I would become famous, […]

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Becoming Michael

First of all, I’m sure you’ve probably heard the news about me filing that lawsuit against Michelle Obama for releasing her new book Becoming. It is truly unfortunate, but I can assure you it’s not my fault. It is no secret that I copyrighted the titles Becoming Michael and Becoming Michelle years ago. If she […]

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And That’s When You Go Cry in Your Closet

So, during one of my recent daily appointments with my team of shrinks, one of them had some pretty interesting feedback for me. Of course, I don’t just take any random person’s opinion at face value—even if I’m paying them for it and they just so happen to have multiple degrees on the subject matter. […]

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What Happens in Vegas, Is Right Here on My Blog

In case you missed my recent press releases or my surprise appearance on Dr. Phil last week, you are probably unaware that I just returned home from Las Vegas a few days ago. The trip was a real learning experience for me. Apparently, my mom had heard about all the drinking and sinning that allegedly […]

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Jennifer Lopez, Ricky Martin and Magic Mike Birthday Wishes

As many of my two readers know, in a few weeks I will be having yet another birthday. This is disturbing for several reasons. First, I could’ve sworn I just had a birthday yesterday. Second, I’m inching closer and closer to learning what happens to people when they hit 40. Third, my metabolism is acting […]

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Of iPhones And Men

If you know anything about me, you know that I make a major life decision every September. Because I’m allegedly a responsible adult, I never take this decision lightly out of respect for the millions who have had to make this choice before me. You probably guessed it. It’s the decision of whether to get […]

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Goodbye Summer, Hello Dates!

It’s weird how we are in the first weeks of September, yet it feels like the end of something. Well, I guess it is the end of summer. Soon it will be the end of my day trips to the beach and the weather has already started to change. Kids are back in school, which […]

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Life Decisions and Lunch Meat

So, the other day I found myself standing in front of my refrigerator making life decisions. I’d spent the day before at a winery, and although I had managed to drink all the wine—like, I had some leftover snacks that looked a little sickly. Because I had been out in the sun for a few […]

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Beach Bodies and Pant Suits

So, just like last year, I’ve been patiently waiting by the front door for the UPS guy to arrive with the 2018 beach body I ordered off Amazon. Of course, it’s late. Even with Prime’s 2-day shipping, it still has not been delivered. Whenever I try to track the package, the results read, “Don’t hold […]

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Adulting Sucks!!!

A wise person on Pinterest once wrote, “Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.” Because that’s just my luck, I can barely go three minutes without looking up into the sky to see what obstacles South West or United may be hurling my way. […]

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