Hypothetically Speaking . . .

. . . . . . . . Because Humor Matters

Archive for the 'Humor Column' Category

In Need of CPR and Bail Money

So, we are finally starting to experience some of the warmer weather that comes along with spring. Although I didn’t do as many push-ups as I had intended during the winter months, as soon as the temperature reached 70 degrees, I was the first person to rip of my shirt and my Spanx. Perhaps I […]

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In Defense of Bacon and Eggs

People often ask why I don’t post more frequently. Well, if I can be honest, most of the time it’s because I’m folded up into a ball, clutching myself, hiding underneath my bed, trying not to pass out from the smell of old sneakers and snow boots that have been under there since at least […]

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Goodbye 2011, Hello Chicken Wings

So, it’s 2012. A new beginning. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was sharing my resolutions for 2011 with you. Apparently, the older you get, the faster time flies. At my age, if you blink twice, you’re likely to miss the whole month of March. But I digress. A quick review of […]

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Damn, Damn, Damn Near 40

Tomorrow I’ll officially be 32, which one of my aunts so lovingly describes as “being damn near 40.” Well, yes, I may have graduated from high school the same year that Betty White did, but I bet nobody would look her in the eye and tell her that she’s damn near 40. I don’t know […]

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I Feel The Earth Quake Under My Feet

This past Tuesday, I was sitting at my desk at work, minding my own business, when the floor suddenly began to shake. It was so subtle at first that I thought someone was walking really hard down the hallway. You know those people who weigh like ten pounds so they have to stomp everywhere they […]

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Lights, Camera, Kidney

You’ll never guess where I am right now—no, I’m not at Kohl’s. How dare you assume such a thing! I told you that I’m through with shopping! I haven’t been to Kohl’s in over two hours! But I digress. Obviously, based on when you’re reading this, I may no longer be sitting here—hopefully. Nevertheless, I’m […]

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Michael Rochelle Is Not Chris Brown, But He Is A Firework!!!

People say that I look like Chris Brown. Then again, since I’m considerably older than he is, I guess it’s safe to say that he looks like me. Contrary to popular belief, not all of the individuals who made this observation were drunk. In fact, a few of those individuals were my coworkers, and they’ve […]

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A Severe Case Of Dental Distress

OK, it’s official. I’m never going to the dentist again—ever! No matter how much brushing and flossing I do, I consistently leave feeling like a complete failure. Somehow, the verdict is always that I need to floss more. However, the only way I could possibly do that is if I flossed in public while at […]

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You Give An Inch, They Take Your Car

Back in the early 1800s, when I was about 19, my grandmother gave me a five-gallon water bottle for me to use to save change in. Like a good little grandson, after she gave it to me, I completely stopped spending coins and put every single cent I received in the bottle. Even if I […]

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See, What Had Happened Was…

There are only a few things in this life that I thought I’d always be able to depend on: my parents, American Idol, taxes, and Starbucks. This past weekend I learned differently. On Sunday, a travesty of monumental proportions took place. I mean, it’s one of those things that happens and makes you reevaluate everything […]

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